dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize