Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Text me some of your sweat
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
