Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
