Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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