Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
