I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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