we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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