You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
