i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
