Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
