I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize