you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
