RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
