I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
