Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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