is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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