I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
