You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
