very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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