god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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