oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
