Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
