So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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