Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize