Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
are you so shy because you have an std?
The best revenge is premature balding
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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