I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
