Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
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