I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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