he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
