Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
