We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
This is the high leading the old right now
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
