I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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