I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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