I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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