woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
