he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Houston, we have a squirter
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
