Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
