Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
