You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I believe in your delicious
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
