I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
