I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
