Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize