did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
