Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You ruined the universe
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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