she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
