Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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