I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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