Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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