My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
