Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
