I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
