there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
