I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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