Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
