My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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