Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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