Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
