whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You were trust falling into bushes
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
