dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
