she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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