I wish I could teleport
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
