I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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