i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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