And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
