I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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