From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
