i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
