I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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