We won't sleep together?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
