i don't like sucking hair
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
